idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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