am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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