Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
