Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
As shirtless as possible
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
