so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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