Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
