So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize