I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
