There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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