When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
