pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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