im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
