I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
