well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
