I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
