So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
