Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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