who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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