just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
