I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
