i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
