pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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