She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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