Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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