I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
