if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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