a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
