Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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