Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
