Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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