I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
