I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
