$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
