well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
