Will you blow on my dice?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
