Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
