shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
