i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
