Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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