he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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