I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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