i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
