Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
