you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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