I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
