Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
50% drunk capacity currently
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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