That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
