I CAN MOONWALK!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
