Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
