It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
