so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
