are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
