is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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