I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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