You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
