The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
