it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
