I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
