So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
