piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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