This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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