I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
